There are couples who claim they never fight, but I rarely find a couple who have a conflict free relationship. Some people think that having a conflict free relationship is an impossible expectation and that disagreements, rows, and frustration is completely normal human behaviour. They are normal behaviour where ‘normal’ is describing people who don’t have unconditional love in their relationship. If you do have conflict in your relationship, it doesn’t have to signal the end – it can be a really good signpost to what is actually missing. I am not advocating that you need to get to a place where you can’t disagree with each other – disagreement is entirely natural between couples who unconditionally love each other. What is important is that you would communicate your disagreement to each other without anger or disappointment. When this is done right, it can lead to a healthier and happier relationship, one that is full of respect and empathy. 

There is no such thing as a healthy argument. The key is to refuse to be in conflict and to individually deal with your own feelings of anger or frustration rather than passing these onto your partner. In short, it’s about being able to respond in a loving way and not reacting in a fearful way. Here are a few ways to ensure disagreements your spouse or partner don’t become toxically impaired with anger and disappointment. 

Be Aware of Body Language

Reacting to your partner’s feelings with an eye roll, shrug, or hurtful gestures and expressions will do nothing but intensify any negativity that is present. These non-verbal cues often send the signal that your partner’s feelings aren’t important to you or valid, even if that’s not how you intended them to come across. 

Be aware of your body language to ensure it’s not dismissive or belittling. Employ non-verbal cues that show your partner that you’re trying to understand them, such as sustained eye contact and relaxed posture. 

Keep the Past Out of Present Disagreements

The urge to bring up past indiscretions is tempting, but it definitely isn’t healthy—especially if that issue was seemingly put to rest. It’s typical for couples to repeatedly argue about the same issues over and over again. If that’s the case in your relationship, try to analyze the situation objectively to figure out ways to resolve it in the long-run. 

Keep your focus on the issue at hand and keep prior arguments out of the conversation. Doing so allows you to address any problem head on without justifications or distractions.

Use a Delicate Approach

No matter how angry or frustrated you might be, do your best to refrain from beginning any communication whilst you feel like this – the conversation will only go one way. Instead, be quiet – literally, never say anything in anger – it will only further harm the situation. Be willing to be wrong – in other words, look for something that you have done that might have upset your partner leading up to the disagreement. Tell them how what you said or did wasn’t loving or caring about them. 

Approaching disagreements emphatically, and without an attacking or accusatory tone – after all – your relationship in the long term is more important than any issue on which you don’t hold the same view now.

Arguments are regrettably far too common. Seeking to eradicate conflict is the only loving and healthy way to go. If any conversation features blame, justifications, anger, and insulting, call it what you like – it’s incredibly unhealthy to the connection between you and your spouse.

If you and your partner are unable to eradicate conflict, seeking help is important so that you can learn how to resolve it in a more productive and loving manner. Additionally, if arguments occur more often than not, seeking outside help to get to the root of the problem can be incredibly beneficial.